TOW she's On her own
by groovy girl 05
Summary: What has happened to Rachel in the past 2 weeks? why is she 'on her own? please read and review
1. on her own

**On her own**

**Rachel sat in her apartment, alone; she sat in complete darkness by the window, looking out into the rain. Alone.**

**She turned and looked at her wedding ring on the table. It shone in the moonlight; she went over and placed it on her finger.**

"**I do" she said to herself, a tear rolled down her cheek. Rachel walked to her bedroom she passed the picture of the office Christmas party, she picked it up carefully, wiped another tear away and then threw it in the bin.**

**Rachel sat down on the floor, sobbing with a photo of herself and the love of her life. Rachel cried herself to sleep that night, as she did every night since he went and now she probably always will do.**

**The next morning Rachel stood up she placed the wrinkled picture in her bedside draw; she looked out of the window out into the rain, it seemed like it rained everyday since he went. Rachel picked up the phone and dialed Monica's number.**

"**Hello?" Monica's friendly voice came from the other line, Rachel put the phone down and sat by the window for another day of thinking of what could have been. She had shut the world out, apparently nothing mattered now until he came back.**

**2 weeks ago**

"_**This is Gavin. He will be sharing your office with you for a while you can get to know each other better now I have to go…someone accidentally shipped 1000 shirts to personnel…bye" Rachel's Boss walked away.**_

"_**Hey I'm Gavin" Gavin said in his husky voice**_

"_**Rachel" Rachel said with a smile, Gavin lent over and kissed her on the cheek and smiled.**_

**The phone rang.**

"**Ross?" Rachel said helplessly**

"**No it's phoebe do you want me to come roun…" Rachel put the phone down and went back to the window.**

**There was a knock on the door, Rachel walked over to the door; looked through the peephole, it was Monica. Rachel walked back to the window and stared at the rain flowing down the window.**

**Monica used her spare key and walked into the apartment, she looked across the room at Rachel.**

"**How are you doing?" Monica said softly as she walked over to Rachel.**

"**Did you give him the letter?" Rachel said still staring at the rain**

"**Sweetie, he didn't want it, he said it's the same every time he's stopped reading them" Monica said rubbing Rachel's shoulder**

"**Give him this the next time you see him" Rachel handed Monica a letter **

"**Ok I don't think he's going to read it though…" Monica said putting the letter in her purse. she stood up**

"**Take care," she said, Monica left the apartment.**

**Rachel held her head in her hands and started to cry as she remembered the good times that she and Ross shared. Rachel lifted her head up and looked at her apartment. It felt empty with out him, it was like he was part of her life, which in fact he was, and she had known him for so long and shared so many special moments together it felt wrong to be apart.**

"**I threw it all away" Rachel said to herself yet again more tears rolled down her cold cheeks.**

**1 week ago**

_**Gavin leaned on Rachel and kissed her.**_

"_**No" gasped Rachel "I'm married"**_

"_**So am I" Gavin reassured Rachel and tried to kiss her again, Rachel pulled away**_

"_**I love my husband" Rachel said staring at him in disbelief **_

"_**But you're so hot, as am I" hushed Gavin**_

_**They kissed and Rachel let it happen. Within 2 days it had become an affair.**_

_**Rachel felt guilty the whole time, but Gavin was a human drug she wanted more…**_

**When Rachel blinked she could see Ross, it felt like he was dead…but he was alive just not with her anymore "I took my chances…I ruined everything good in my life" she whispered; choked up with more tears.**

"**How could I be so stupid?" Rachel continued; she stood up and wondered around her apartment looking for her shoes, Once she found some she looked in the mirror and wiped away her tears; even though it was pointless she knew she was going to cry again.**

**Rachel walked into the city not knowing where to go she walked in the huge crowd that was off to work. She saw Ross.**

"**Ross!" Rachel shouted with tears in her eyes, voice shaking. A teenage boy turned around.**

"**You talking to me?" the boy said looking at Rachel with a puzzled look among his face.**

**Rachel burst into more tears and ran back to her apartment. Screaming with emotional pain she walked out onto the balcony but suddenly collapsed.**

Rachel's dream 

"_**Goodbye" Rachel said as she picked up her bags. **_

"_**No you can't go" Ross said. He grabbed on to her hand**_

"_**There's nothing left for us anymore" Rachel said looking into his eyes**_

"_**Please, I'll make it work, please. I love you." Ross said in tears**_

"**_I love you too…" Rachel said letting go of her bag, she collapsed to the floor and threw her arms around Ross, they embraced_**

"_**Don't ever leave me…" Ross gasped with tears hugging harder **_

**Rachel woke up dazed on her couch, she looked beside her, it was a note from Monica;**

_**I found you on your balcony, try to get more sleep! M x**_

**Rachel walked to her kitchen counter and saw she had 1 message on her answering machine**

"_**Rachel, are you coming into work tomorrow? If no don't bother coming in at all, I'm going to have to let you go. I'm sorry what's happened with you and your husband but don't let it get in the way of work please, I'm counting on you. See you tomorrow. Hopefully…"**_

**Rachel sighed and went to bed clutching her wedding picture, she began to cry, "till death do us part…"**

**End of chapter one**

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Hope y'all liked it laterz x btw reviews would be much appriciated 


	2. trying to go back and realising you can'...

**Trying to go back and realise you can't**

**Rachel woke up dazed on the floor, again with a scrunched up picture in her hand on herself and Ross.**

**"Move on" she said as she welled up with yet more tears**

**Rachel got ready and left for work.**

**"Hi Rachel. I'm sharing your office with you from now on, Gavin is sharing with April on the bottom floor" A woman with blonde hair and green eyes said.**

**"Oh…so…what's your name?" Rachel said feeling ill at even the mention of _his_ name**

**"Laura." She smiled "are you ok? You look a little pale," Laura said with concern**

**"Yes I'm fine nice to meet you, I'm not sure I've seen you before you know" Rachel said**

**"Yeah; I'm new here" Laura replied, as she took Rachel's coat and hung it up.**

**Rachel sat down at her desk and sifted through a pile of paperwork, there was a post-it note on one piece, and it read:**

**_-Rachel, please take this to office 18 on the 3rd floor, tell them it needs to be ordered. And a copy is needed for me as well so could you go to the copy room before hand? Thanks_**

**Rachel picked it up, grabbed her key card and headed to the copy room. She looked round the door and Gavin was in there talking to some woman, Rachel stepped back behind the doorframe**

**"But your so hot" Gavin said to the woman as he tried to kiss her**

**Rachel's eyes filled with tears, she dropped the paperwork and walked back to her office wiping her tears away on her sleeve.**

**"Are you okay?" Laura said with her Colgate smile**

**"Yes" Rachel replied in shock, still wiping her tears away. Rachel went to her desk and sat down with her head in her hands**

**"Are you sure your okay? It looks as if you've been crying" Laura piped up again**

**"Yeah…I'm good, just fine," Rachel said holding a picture of her and Ross**

**"Are you really really sure? Cos you really look unwell" Laura Added**

**"I'm FINE" Rachel yelled. Laura stood in shock "ok. I'm just gonna…I'm gonna go" Laura said staring at Rachel, Laura walked out of the office.**

**Rachel looked over to her phone; she had one message, she put in her pin number and played it;**

**_Hey Rach',_**

**_It's Ross, sorry I got mad earlier, and it's not your fault you have to work late some days of the week. Just wanted to let you know that I love you…and I'll see you later on if I'm still awake when you come back._**

**Rachel burst into another blast of tears, sniveling she packed up her desk and went to her boss' office,**

**"I'm leaving" Rachel sniffed, Her boss looked up,**

**"You have to give notice Rachel, you can't just quit," He said looking confused**

**"Well what am I supposed to do? I can't stay here anymore, I can't Rob, I can't do it " Rachel sobbed**

**"Rachel you're supposed to leave personal matters outside work" Rob said frowning at Rachel, he stood up and walked up to her "leave now and I'll fire you," He said staring at Rachel.**

**"Then Fire me" Rachel turned around and walked out of the building.**

**Rachel put the key in her door and walked into the apartment, she dropped her keys on the floor and walked over to the balcony, a drop of rain fell on her cold cheek, Rachel sat down on the concrete**

**"Drop me in the middle" she sang crying "So I can make a ripple effect" she looked up into the rain "this is what my life has come to" she wiped away a tear "I can't move on"**

**_"What is this?" Ross said picking up a sock. Rachel walked into their bedroom took a glimpse at the sock and looked away she thought to herself for just a split second and looked back sharply at the sock, she felt numb._**

**_"It's a sock hunny" Rachel said with a shaky smile,_**

**_"I don't have any socks like this" Ross said looking confused _**

**_"I know, I bought some new ones, for you" she sat down on the end of the bed and began to curl her golden brown hair._**

**_"sweetie they've been worn" Ross said leaning over her_**

**_"I know, I wore them… I like the red band around them, sorry" Rachel replied giving Ross a kiss_**

**_Ross dropped the sock and walked over to Rachel, he bent down to his knees, stroking her knees he said "Rachel, I love you" he got up and turned to walk out the room_**

**_"Ross?" Rachel yelped, Ross turned smiling "I have this friend, who's happily married and she's fallen for this guy at work and it's became an affair…if you were her what would you do? Would you risk telling your husband, or carry on with the affair and hope no one finds out?" Rachel looked at Ross_**

**_"Well, I'd have to say I'd tell the husband, he has a right to know. Then she'll know where she stands, tell her to tell her husband Rachel" he smiled "oh, who is the friend? If you don't mind me asking"_**

**_Rachel paused_**

**_"It's me" Rachel said helplessly _**

**_Ross stood staring at Rachel; there was no expression on his face_**

**_"Do you love him?" Ross whispered with a dry throat_**

**_Rachel sat there looking at her shaking hands _**

**_"Do you?" Ross continued_**

**_"No" Rachel replied looking up at Ross smiling "I love you" Rachel stood up and went to hug Ross, Ross stepped back, "If you love me then why did you do it? If you don't love him then why did you have sex with him? Is it because you're bored with me?" Ross said looking hurt_**

**_"No, he kissed me first" Rachel exclaimed _**

**_"Yeah and you let it happen" Ross said with pain, Ross went to the closet._**

**_"What are you doing?" Rachel said with a worried look on her face_**

**_"I'm leaving" Ross said as he pulled down 2 suitcases and started to pack his clothes_**

**_"You can't! You had an affair, I forgave you, why can't you forgive me?" Rachel said with tears, shaking her head in disbelief_**

**_"I can't because if we both cheat on each other…what's the point?" Ross replied_**

**_"The fact that we love each other?" Rachel stuttered _**

**_"I know I love you…but do you love me?" Ross said angrily_**

**_"Yes!" Rachel cried_**

**_"Then why did you cheat?" Ross sighed, "Why did you have to throw it all away?"_**

**_Ross continued to pack up, when he was finished he came out into the living area where Rachel was sat on the sofa looking at the floor, with a used tissue in her hand, She looked up._**

**_"Don't go…" She trembled, Ross was in tears._**

**_"I never thought I'd ever leave you, you should have let me go when I was unfaithful to you" Ross said as he went to open the door_**

**_"Wait" Rachel yelled, "Don't go! Please, I'm nothing without you. Please don't ruin everything" She continued_**

**_"ME! I haven't ruined anything, you're the one who had the affair, I'm doing this for both of us, goodbye Rachel" Ross shouted, Rachel burst into tears_**

**_"DON'T!" Rachel cried, the door shut, he was gone…_**

**Rachel woke with a stir, she was soaking; she ran a bath. Rachel got in, she thought about Ross as she did Prior, now and always. She looked across to the picture of her and Ross at the park feeding each other the food of love; the rich strawberry colour appeared to her as delicious and not at all evil or to be associated with the devil, she indulged herself in the colour for a few moments and slipped into her world, breathing in her aromatherapy air she thought that her life was nothing but wasted, she slipped underneath the water. Was it a sleep in which she would wake with a start, spluttering, or would it be a deep sleep where maybe she would be happy and thinking of Ross prior, now and always…**

**Hey, Hope y'all like this one as much as the last, was ages since I updated, but I've been much to busy with all my other stuff! & it's well hard writing this! I have to get all depressed before I can even start to think of writing! lol please please leave a review , Thnx xxx**


	3. meeting again

**Meeting Again**

**Rachel woke up choking on water; she threw up.**

"**Rachel? Are you ok?" a voice came from the living area "It's Monica" Monica continued**

**Rachel got out of the bath and wrapped a towel around her, Monica walked in,**

"**Sweetie are you ok? Were you sick? Are you ill?" Monica asked whist putting her hand on Rachel's shoulder **

"**I fell asleep," Rachel muttered as she walked into the living area, Monica followed her**

"**I have some news" Monica said with enthusiasm, Rachel ignored her **

"**Ross news" Monica said as she sat down next to Rachel; Rachel looked up and turned to Monica **

"**Really?" Rachel asked; Monica smiled**

"**He wants to see you today" Monica said holding Rachel's hand; Rachel burst into tears**

"**What's wrong?" Monica asked looking confused; Rachel hugged Monica sobbing**

**Rachel stood up and went to her bedroom, he was finally going to take her back, and she couldn't live without him. She picked out an outfit; Black bootleg trousers and a white vest. She then sat down and started her makeup; she slapped on lots of foundation and gold eye shadow and rose lipstick. She chose a handbag and picked out a jacket; which was a fitted black blazer. She looked in the mirror and realized her hair was a mess and wet, she quickly got out her wet 2 straight hair straightners and started to repair the damage.**

**Rachel walked out of the bedroom and put on some black boots, **

"**You look fantastic Hun', he wants to see you at the hard rock café in half an hour" Monica said, she gave Rachel a squeeze and went back across the hall**

**Rachel left the apartment; she walked down the road to the Café she looked inside then looked at her watch; it was 10 to 12, she was 15 minutes early, but still she went inside and waited at a table for two. 10 minutes past and there he was. Ross stepped into the Café, he looked gorgeous, Tanned with a new haircut.**

**Ross walked up to Rachel's table,**

"**Hi" Ross said dazed, he sat down. **

"**Hi…I can't believe it's you" Rachel said half laughing half crying, she went to touch his hand; he pulled away, Rachel looked confused**

"**I came to say…to say stop bothering me with your letters, the only reply you'll get is this one" Ross said handing over a brown envelope; Rachel opened it up and looked at the papers**

"**No" She said as her eyes welled up, Ross began to stand up; Rachel stood up sharply**

"**I won't sign any divorce papers" Rachel slammed the papers down on the table. A tear rolled freely down her cheek.**

"**Rachel don't make a scene," Ross said looking around**

"**I'm not, I can't help it if I'm upset because my husband wants to divorce me for no proper reason" Rachel said shaking "I can't even try to live with out you! Come on, look at you…you look fantastic. And look at me, I'm a mess" Rachel said in tears**

"**Me! The first week was pretty hard yeah but look at you, your husband's left you and you smell fantastic, dress fantastic, and look fantastic you have your new boyfriend, your great" Ross said with anger in his eyes**

"**Oh I'm not believe me, I have no job because I don't wanna see Gavin ever again, I need you, I can't live… if you leave me now…" Rachel said holding on to Ross' hands, looking into his eyes "If you leave me now…I'll never live another normal day again, please don't…I love you" she continued Ross had tears in his eyes "I loved you too…I don't think I could ever love you as much as I did then again, it would be impossible, I admire you for taking me back but when I realize how much pain I caused you I just think that you should have let me go then…I can't do this now…I need to go" Ross said with heartfelt look on his face. Ross got up and walked towards the door.**

**Rachel grabbed onto his arm and pulled him around, crying still**

"**Please don't" Rachel said shaking her head slightly **

**Ross embraced her; smelling her hair**

"**Goodbye" he said softly, he walked out of the Café and walked away round the corner**

**Rachel grabbed her bag and stormed out of the café tears streaming down her cheeks she ran up to her apartment.**

**Rachel screamed, she went to the bathroom and scrubbed all the make up off, took her clothes off and went to Ross' closet, she looked at the bottom and there was a blue shirt there, she put it on and went to the fridge and brought out a bottle of wine and started drinking.**


	4. An interesting change

**"Hello? Can I have Someone round to change the locks today please? … Erm… Now maybe? Ok thank you bye" Rachel put the phone down, looking somewhat satisfied**

**3 hours passed and Rachel was standing in her new apartment, well at least it seemed new, Rachel walked around the rooms.**

**Everything had gone, there were new locks on the doors, and all of Rachel's Furniture was on the street, even her clothes. She was committed to one item of clothing and that was it; Ross' blue shirt.**

**Rachel went to the balcony and looked along her street, All of her stuff was gone, her fridge, her food, clothes, make up, shoes, everything.**

**She went to the corner of her apartment, Sat down, started to think and wait…**

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**Very short chapter but i was just trying to play your minds a bit, yknow let your imagination flow a bit x**


	5. The Wait Is Over

Rachel was wheezing in the corner of her apartment, you could see her rib cage, she was thin and fragile, if she even tried to get up she knew she would probably break something, she was in that much pain she couldn't remember how long she had been in her apartment with no food or water.

She could remember the note she slipped underneath Monica's door saying that she was on holiday.

A pain shot through Rachel's chest, she couldn't breathe and she was struggling to draw her breath in. She realised this was it, all this time waiting, this was it, she was going, all of her muscles in her body started to ease and collapsed as she tried to face the wall, she fell back, she felt paralysed, it hurt, she wanted to cry, she wanted to go back in time, Rachel took her last breath. She could feel her body suffocating like you do when you hold your breath for a very long time but she knew she couldn't breathe again. Rachel looked at her ceiling and thought about her friends and family. Rachel then died.

She lay there on her apartment floor, dressed in Ross' blue shirt that practically hung off her, it was just done up with one button across her chest.

Monica sat eating her breakfast along with Chandler

"I wonder if Rachel is back off holiday yet, I can't believe she just took off like that, it's been ages now! Almost two and a half months now"

"Rachel hasn't been away that long, I think she's back now the person underneath her said they could hear her upstairs just last week"

"What? She would have come to see us though? Wouldn't she? Maybe I should check on her, I'll get the spare key"

Monica sat up and got her key, and tried to open Rachel's door, it wouldn't open.

"Chandler? She's had the locks changed. I'm getting really worried now"

Monica started to bang on the door, she went to her tool box and brought out a mallet and started to bang the door down

Chandler appeared

"What are you doing!"

"I'm sorry, I have to know she's Ok, She's my best friend"

After several minutes the door was down, Monica Screamed, She ran over to Rachel's body.

She lay there life-less, Monica sat down and held her icy cold hand whilst Chandler dialled 911

"Rachel" Monica started to sob "Please God, Rachel, I love you, I didn't even get a chance to tell you about the baby, yeah, I'm pregnant, we did it sweetie, Rachel"

"They're on their way" Chandler knelt besides Rachel's body and his wife who was in bits. "Babe, she's not coming back, she's been dead for a while by the looks of it"

Monica stroked Rachel's pale cheek

"I love you…" Monica wiped a tear away


End file.
